New Beginnings

Hi and welcome to my blog.  I’m still figuring out how I’d like to fill this space, but for now it will be about my family, my work, and my ideas.  Now a mother of four, my absent-mindedness gets the better of me, and I can never get my facts straight so at the very least there’ll be a place my kids can come back to. And just proof that I was, in fact, a pretty fun mom. Or that I tried.

My name is Esther, and I’ve got a pretty great man in my life. David and I have been married 7 years, going on 8, and we managed to produce 4 kids in a span of 2 years.  Yes, we’re very hard-working, and very efficient.

My oldest daughter, Noelle, is 2.5 years old, and my youngest three are triplets, but couldn’t be more different from one another in looks, personality, and temperament. Kate, Mark, and Samantha were born during a very difficult time in my life. My beloved father succumbed to cancer just one month after the triplets were born.  It’s been 6 months since his passing, and whoever says it gets easier with time, I don’t believe you yet.  Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s the half-year mark, maybe it’s that I haven’t been able to properly grieve my loss with three new babies to care for.  They keep me busy, that’s for sure. But these days, there are days – days where I don’t want to wake up in the morning, or wake up at all. Nights where I’m balled up on the floor of my room crying and agonizing, frustrated at the waste of a death of such a wonderful man. Six months later people can’t even talk about him without crying. You see, he had that effect. The kind that makes grown men bawl at funerals. The kind that makes the void so blatantly obvious. He was the life of the party; he was hysterical–he gave a speech at my wedding, and instantly became the highlight. Highly-principled, deep, as quirky as they come, incredibly talented, generous, kind, and thoughtful, and you were a better person just by knowing him. He was the light of all of our lives.

I see a lot of him in my own children. Mark’s serious demeanor, Sammy’s silliness, Kate’s kindness, and Noelle– her unquestionable love (borderline addiction) for kimchi just says it all.  He would have been proud.

Yes, so deep for a first post. But this is me, for now.  A wife, a mother, and a grieving daughter trying to make sense of my so-called life.


13 thoughts on “New Beginnings

  1. Welcome fellow blogger. Great first entry. If anyone else reads this comment…yes ur dad ROCKED his speech. we laughed, we sighed, we teared with emotion. Grieving may take longer cuz u have ur 4 bundles of joy so hang in there. For now, cherish those wonderful memories u do have and in making new ones with your family. My heart empathizes on so many levels.

  2. Ditto to the above! Love the beauty and realness of this post. Looking forward to following all the adventures this year has in store for you and your amazing family. Happy New Year, Lee clan! 🙂

  3. Bravo, eggtoeggi! What a beautiful way to begin this great new adventure. Sending you floating hearts, excited encouragement, and an application for lifetime membership in the eggtoeggi fan club!

  4. So beautifully written Esther. I forgot what an amazing writer you are. I too will remember your father as a man full of exuberance and life. I will keep your family in my prayers. Your children are absolutely amazing and I’m thankful that I finally got to meet the triplets!

  5. I’m sitting here in tears. I’m sorry for the loss of your father, and especially that he passed during such a difficult and new chapter of your life. He sounds like he was an amazing man. have 4 babies + your own business + starting this new blog… I seriously bow down to you, super mama. You’re awesome and I can’t wait to read more.

  6. Hi Esther, I found your blog while looking through your website linked on the first time mom group. Your work is awesome!
    I typically don’t post on strangers blogs but your post hit home for me. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer when my first son was four months old. He was hospitalized on his birthday and never really got out of the hospital…passed away a month after his diagnosis. Not one day goes by without thinking of him. It hurts when I think about how proud my dad wouldve been to see his grandson today at age 3. I used to cry alone driving to work by myself, my only alone time. People must’ve thought I was crazy bawling on the road.

    It will get better. The pain will subside and you will try your best to teach your kids the things you loved most about your dad. Write letters about him to each of your kids that they can learn from. It helped me a little. (Not that you have the extra time with four little ones!)

    • Hi Ruth,

      Thank you so much for your message. I’m so sorry about your father. I’m so glad he got to meet him before he passed. I agree with you. The drives in the car are the hardest for me, too. It elicits so many memories and emotions for me, in large part because I’m by myself and it’s quiet.

      My dad had liver cancer as well, and he passed much too early, but I’m happy he and my babies got to meet each other. And it’s comforting to know, as you said, that it does get easier with time. Thanks again, Ruth. 🙂

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